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Here’s something interesting that doesn’t involve abortion or war. It’s a picture of me working out. Kudos to the guy spotting. That reminds me. I hope I lock the basement.
So everyone talks about how bad social media is, and yet everyone uses it. It’s become the modern version of smoking. Yes, I got to quit, but right now I just can’t. That’s me.
It’s the same problem I have with making Brian Stelter fat jokes. I can’t control myself, just like Brian Stelter at Krispy Kreme. See, I didn’t even know I said that.
And I rarely feel better after scrolling through online stuff. And I always tell people to spend less time doing it. Yet there I am late at night, sneaking a social media puff and like smoking, it usually makes my blood pressure go up.
Now I tell myself that social media is a harmless drinking partner and that I have company, but I don’t have to put out cheese or crackers or, as MSNBC calls it, cheese and white people.
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However, how would I be as a person if I stopped even for a week?
Well a new study revealed what could happen if you stop using social media? You die. I’m kidding. You don’t die. In fact, quite the opposite. You live.
A new study finds that avoiding social media platforms for just one week, that’s the weekend plus five Kat, significantly improves a person’s well-being, reducing both anxiety and depression.
Now, if there were a pill that had the same effect in just one week, you’d take it. Actually, I think we used to call those Quaaludes. But social media isn’t something you can take, like the president’s teeth at bedtime, it’s something you have to remove, and that’s harder.
In the study, researchers from the University of Bath, which is way better than urinal state college, found that most social media consumers spend 9 hours a week online, whether it’s scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, TikTok or my favorite website, mature milfs with club feet.
To find out what might happen when you cut back, researchers had over 150 people between the ages of 18 and 72 do just that. Yeah, even 72-year-olds. What are they doing online? Anybody seen Granny? Yeah. She’s teaching people how to strain pasta through an old pair of nylons on TikTok. Seen it 17 times.
Then they compared their normal usage to a week in which they were online for 3 minutes a day, which is the same amount “The View” spends on researching stories. And like Jesse, after his recent hair transplant disguised as a back surgery. The results were astonishing. After just one week without social media, there were dramatic improvements in wellbeing across the board.
So why is this important? Well, social media, again, like smoking, is something we do almost without thinking. Sometimes it’s the first thing we do when we wake up, the last thing we do before we sleep, or right after sex at a truck stop.
It really has become a two pack a day habit, unfiltered and clogging our brains with tar in selfies. Research documents dozens of harmful effects from being online constantly. Not including the potential of running into Anthony Weiner.
But there’s more to it than that. And it’s something overlooked by all the researchers. It’s that we humans can only focus on one thing at a time. Go ahead. Try to hold two thoughts in your head. I’ll wait. See? It’s impossible. But you already knew that.
For example, one day you could be in a great mood. Sun is shining, work is great. Got plans for the weekend. But if you get a tiff with a spouse, it all disappears. It’s gone. And all you think about is that one thing.
That’s what social media does. It can introduce one disturbing thought that muscles everything else out, and that’s how it ruins your day and creates sleepless nights.
It could be an abstraction, like an insult from a stranger, something you don’t even know. But that’s all it takes. Social media has created a direct faucet of aggressive stimuli that we, as humans, are not evolved yet to handle.
Our brains and young brains especially, we can’t tell the difference between what’s worth thinking about and what isn’t worth thinking about. All you end up doing is thinking about whatever enters your mental crawl space last. It’s not good. So maybe it’s time to take a break. Especially if just stopping for one week has such positive benefits. Why don’t we try it? I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?